I have been at a religious crossroads for 25 years Sarge so I understand lol. For a good part of my childhood, I was raised in church....I'm talking two or three times a week. When the "church going bug" hit my parents, it hit them hard for about a year. Then we wouldn't attend for a couple months. Then the cycle repeated....up until I was about 13 or 14, then they fell away from their church. By the time they settled into a new church and the cycle started again, I was on my way to college. They went to that church at least twice a week until my Dad died.
Myself, I never had the desire to regularly attend church. I think I have always associated it with holy rolling people who aren't very nice or good people on Monday through Saturday, but when Sunday comes they project perfection. That hypocrisy, I think, is one of the things that has always kept me away. My Mom harped on me for years that I need to go back to church and my answer was always, "Why? I don't need to go to church to treat others kindly and to be a good person. I can to do that on my own because I want to and it's the right way to act." She finally gave up when I hit about 30 but from time to time still throws a jab in there. The one that I won't ever get over was at my Dad's funeral. After years of harping on me o go back to church and not getting the desired effect, she conspired behind my back to have her holy roller friends at her church lay hands on me during the funeral service. They prayed that I would dedicate my life to Jesus and go to church. I was FURIOUS. To use my father's funeral as a means to corner me and "get me" pissed me off beyond belief. I told my Mom that if she ever had a chance to get me back to church, that ended it. I think that was when she gave up. And it was a good thing because our relationship would have continued going downhill if she wouldn't have.
The other thing that chased me away form church is thinking back to when I was 5 and 6 years old and hearing about the signs of the apocalypse constantly. I remember my Mom talking to me about and me looking out the window in terror....looking for signs of the sky to turning black and rolling up like a scroll, looking for fire to rain down from the sky.....as a 6 year old. I can't ******* imagine telling my kids **** like that. I firmly believe that hearing that garbage when I was so young has had a huge impact on why I am such a neurotic, nervous adult. I would never do that to my kids. I spent years of my childhood being a nervous wreck that the apocalypse was about to happen at any second. I could never understand how she could be so happy about it or look forward to it. It seemed nuts...even to a Kindergartner.
My Mom and I have had some wrangles over my kids not going to church. I have allowed her to take them a handful of times to a church in our town, but I know the pastor and he is a pretty down to earth guy so I have allowed it. i see him around own and we talk Pirates baseball and his wife is very nice as well. I do question them on what they learned about and for the most part it seems kid appropriate. They seem to keep the kids services separate from the adult stuff that I don't think they need to hear. As for myself, my desire to attend personally hasn't changed since I was 18 or so. Being 40 now, I don't imagine it probably will. I think there is a possibility that God exists. If he does and he is a righteous God as all teachings say, then I feel that how I treat other people and how I live my life should be much more important than following prescribed rituals and rules. At least from my perspective that seems much more important.
