I think that the demented portion of your current desires come from the Fandimification and shielded childhood you grew up with.
As a child on Saturday mornings you watched the TV channel your mom set & cartoons that were on.
As you aged (around 10-12 yrs old), you sneakedly were able to change the channel and one click right………. Came on the Coolie & Supe show / cartoon………… YOUR mom caught you but those 3 1/2 minutes affected you to this day……
Follow the light, it’s the only way to find yourself free of those 3 1/2 minutes you so craved those many years ago…….
Good Luck and always remember if Lunar extends a helping hand,….. he is only trying to get social security and credit card number from you.!!!
Salute the nation