My wife is a major rule follower, and I am not. You can imagine how our trip to Walmart went just a while ago.
1. There are arrows on the floor essentially turning the store into downtown Pittsburgh. It's a maze of one lane streets. **** you people. I will not Baaa!
2. I had my "mask" which is a thin material head covering like cancer patients wear. I got it at a cancer fundraiser. Totally worthless. Just like everyone elses. I wore it around my neck. close enough.
3. I needed Hickory wood chunks for some BBQ grilling this weekend. Of course it's in the section roped off for "Employees only". I find a Walmartian and ask her to go get me a bag. She gets perturbed, it's probably my resting "**** you" face that my mask isn't covering. She goes to hand it to me and I ask her to put it my cart instead. Social distancing, right? **** you people.
4. My wife grew angrier as I failed to stay 6 feet away from anyone. I needed hair paste to keep my head from looking like Doc after lightening struck the ******* clock tower. The woman, yes woman, stood there gawking at men's hair gel for about 60 seconds as I acted patient. I did it for my wife. But...patience isn't my thing so I said **** it and grabbed a can. Wife lets out a sigh and we move on.
5. Heading down a main isle, rule following wife in front of me as to ensure I'm a compliant sheep and she has to move aside for a fat ******* Walmartian in a wheel chair talking into his radio mic. He lock eyes with me and as he passes I tell him "wrong way". I look at my wife, she gives me a dirty look. I said "what, he..." I know!" she exclaims. We're off again. She's cute when she's mad...Her *** has a nice shake when she walks angry. I follow intently.
6.The ride home was a bit awkward. Luckily the 80's channel on Sirius was "slapp'n" as my son would say. Steve Winwood really had a thing for Valerie. I completely understand as I keep thinking about my wife's *** shake. If I ask her "what's wrong" and we get into a fight, we could have make-up sex. hmmm... contemplating.
7. I got home and realized that all I had to drink this weekend was some local vodka that tastes more like rubbing alcohol than Titos. So, I called the State Store about 80 times and finally got through. Scored some Brandy. Nice!
Anyone else care to share their 'Rona stories of survival?