The root of the problem. Not the police. Not racism.
I've referred to this young man we mentor. A black boy that I coached in football. Dad's in jail. Got out, lasted a few weeks, right back in. Mom was in jail. Out now. 6 or 7 kids (I really don't know how many) by 3 or 4 different men. This boy (let's call him Jerry) has been taken care of by his Aunt (his mom's younger sister) since she was in high school. She's been his legal guardian. Has done a good job, my hat's off to her. But she's fatiguing. She has her own family. He gets shuttled around. Earlier this year, his aunt thought it a good idea to give him back to his mom. Thought she was turning her life around.
We pick him up on weekends during the school year (2 a month on average) and he spends countless days with us during summers. So I begin picking him up at his mom's apartment. 2 or 3 pieces of furniture. Every time I'm there, there are different adult men in the house. Dropped him off once, knocking on the door. Knocking. Knocking. Five minutes later the step father opens the door, two kids in diapers at his feet. Sunday afternoon last fall during an NFL game. A cloud of marijuana smoke comes rolling out onto the landing.
Two weeks ago I get a call from his aunt. He's been accused of something grave I don't wish to discuss here. But it resulted from the situation his mother put him in. Her not being responsible for him or looking after him. And left alone at 14, a young man who's not had enough guidance "may" have made some wrong decisions. We don't know. Last Tuesday I volunteered to join the aunt and Jerry at Child Protective Services which got involved. I thought the meeting was at CPS. Instead, it was at the Special Victims Crime Unit. My heart sunk. In the meeting was a CPS professional and a detective. It's a criminal investigation.
He says he's innocent. My heart believes him. My head questions.
I also believe in the religion of football and organized sports. If any young man needs that family away from home, it's him. He's a freshman now in high school. But due to being shuttled around, wasn't in the summer work outs with his high school's football program. He calls me asking if I can pay for him to play on a youth football team. I "thought" he'd been doing the high school workouts. I told him he needed that high school program and structure and I'd make calls. It's a very good program here in MD, many time state champions. I called my high school's coaches, got names and numbers and called their JV coach. Vouched up and down for him, that he's a good kid. And he truly is. Coach says you need to fill out these five forms and get a physical before he plays, but he's welcome to come try out.
He goes to practice the next day, stands on the sidelines. Aunt's lagging getting the paperwork done. My wife sets up time to take him to get a physical. Next day I'm on the road and she texts me that he missed practice. The SECOND one. He had been up all night playing video games, slept in until 2 and didn't feel like going. I was furious. I'd never been angry with him, have only showed him love. I texted him verbatim - "I'm pretty upset with you. You ask people to help you and they do, but you won't help yourself. People are gonna stop helping you. You go to practice today and every day here on NO EXCUSES. Don't reply with reasons or excuses. Go to practice today." He replied in minutes "I am at practice."
The next evening I get off of my plane and am walking to the parking garage and the Aunt calls. Says Jerry got jumped after practice. Didn't have a whole lot of details, something about he passed a group of kids fighting, then they turned on him...and Jerry pulled out a knife.
I stopped walking. Just stunned. This happy, smiling, vibrant loving kid pulled a knife? I gathered my thoughts and said "wait, what...? Did you say he pulled out a knife?" She said "yes. His mother had given him a knife due to the accusations flying around about [the other incident CPS is looking into] and wanted him to be able to protect himself."
I was furious. Speechless. Felt helpless. I said to her (she thought him having a knife was just fine) that is inexcusable. You don't give a 14 year old a knife. What the ****? If he pulls it out, ONLY bad can result, nothing good.
A couple days passed and Jerry calls me. He says I decided not to play football for ABC High School this year. I told him that's not what I'd heard. I shared with him that his Aunt told me the school prohibited him from playing for the team and he's one strike away from being suspended. If he rolls his eyes in school, he's gone. So then "he says" he did so well in the tryout that some of the other defensive backs on the team cornered him in the locker room threatening him and he felt scared and pulled out the knife. Now I'm not buying his story. I told him I was pissed, that he made a fool out of me with those coaches in this community, and I challenged him "Why is trouble always finding you? At some point in time you've gotta look in the mirror and realize it's your words or your actions." He got angry with me for the first time, said "Oh so you don't believe me now?" and hung up the phone. I let it go.
We had him over to the house again this weekend 2 days later. First thing he did was walk in and give me a hug...a real, strong hug. I love the kid. But I think he's lost. He's close to being lost. The older he gets, the more dangerous and costly are the mistakes he's making. And I can't get through to him.
I've spoken with two other men (coaches) who have had an impact in his life and we're huddling trying to figure something out. One suggestion is CPS needs to remove him. Another is one of our families need to take him in. He's asked me and my wife many times to take him. I would. But we've been advised against it and my wife has valid reasons for saying no that I have to honor.
If you've read this far, you get the point. This is a good kid. He really is. Talented. A smile that lights up a room. Funny. Hasn't done well in school because of where he's been, but COULD with guidance and structure. He's craving love. Someone to care for him. Hell the kid often sneaks up behind me and kisses me when here. Yet his environment is poisoning him. And slowly it's eating away at this good kid. Mom's giving him a knife, encouraging violence. No encouragement to study. No steady bed time. Men come and go in his home. He's asked to be the babysitter while mom parties (he's told me he resents this and she uses him). He sees his Aunt no longer wants him. He lives in a world with no regular bed, no parent or guardian that loves him.
To make matters worse, during the time he's been with his mom, she's been evicted 3 times. Lost the apartment, moved in with her brother. After a week, they fought, he kicked her out. She moved to another apartment, lasted a week or two, I don't know. I've picked him up and dropped him off at each. Last time I picked him up, it was at an Extended Stay where she holed up for the night with all the kids. This past weekend we got him at his Aunt's.
If he had a mom and a dad and a bed and a home and some structure, it would be the end of it.
The culture is rotten in too many of these kids lives. It's no wonder they end up where they do.
This is coming from one of the top ten wealthiest counties in the country. I can't imagine what Chicago or SE DC are like.
