You cannot possibly hate liberal government enough.
- Thread starter Steeltime
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What if dude and his wife have a big OnlyFans following?
(And it was a black/brown squirrel, not an evil red squirrel)
(And it was a black/brown squirrel, not an evil red squirrel)
New York Authorities Announce Peanut The Squirrel Died Of COVID
U.S.·Nov 4, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
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PINE CITY, NY — Following the public outcry about the state's Department of Environmental Conservation raiding a local man's home and euthanizing his pet squirrel who had hundreds of thousands of social media followers, New York authorities announced Peanut the squirrel had died of COVID-19.
Officials revealed Peanut's cause of death in an effort to calm the backlash that resulted from what many people have labeled a blatant example of government overreach and misaligned priorities.
"We're saddened to announce that COVID-19 has claimed yet another victim," Governor Kathy Hochul told reporters. "An autopsy conducted yesterday revealed Peanut's caretakers had evidently failed to administer the latest vaccine booster, making it all but a guarantee that Peanut would die from COVID, as all living creatures do."
A source within the DEC corroborated the report and placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of Donald Trump's MAGA supporters. "It's a shame to see such needless loss of life," the insider said. "If Peanut had been taking the proper precautions — staying up-to-date on boosters, wearing his tiny mask, practicing social distancing from other squirrels — this would not have happened. Unfortunately, he was apparently a fan of Donald Trump and all the wild, conspiracies that come along with that. Even squirrels are risking their lives when they choose to deny science."
At publishing time, authorities also emphasized that Peanut's death was due solely to COVID and had nothing to do with rumors that he had a tiny copy of Jeffrey Epstein's client list and was in possession of evidence that could have led to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.
U.S.·Nov 4, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.
PINE CITY, NY — Following the public outcry about the state's Department of Environmental Conservation raiding a local man's home and euthanizing his pet squirrel who had hundreds of thousands of social media followers, New York authorities announced Peanut the squirrel had died of COVID-19.
Officials revealed Peanut's cause of death in an effort to calm the backlash that resulted from what many people have labeled a blatant example of government overreach and misaligned priorities.
"We're saddened to announce that COVID-19 has claimed yet another victim," Governor Kathy Hochul told reporters. "An autopsy conducted yesterday revealed Peanut's caretakers had evidently failed to administer the latest vaccine booster, making it all but a guarantee that Peanut would die from COVID, as all living creatures do."
A source within the DEC corroborated the report and placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of Donald Trump's MAGA supporters. "It's a shame to see such needless loss of life," the insider said. "If Peanut had been taking the proper precautions — staying up-to-date on boosters, wearing his tiny mask, practicing social distancing from other squirrels — this would not have happened. Unfortunately, he was apparently a fan of Donald Trump and all the wild, conspiracies that come along with that. Even squirrels are risking their lives when they choose to deny science."
At publishing time, authorities also emphasized that Peanut's death was due solely to COVID and had nothing to do with rumors that he had a tiny copy of Jeffrey Epstein's client list and was in possession of evidence that could have led to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.
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Now I have Geddy Lee running through my head.
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that’s clear
I will choose free will.
In a related story, the same NY "authorities" believe that Peanut may have suicided by catching the Chinese flu on purpose. "We are now pretty sure Peanut went to a Covid party to get the disease, knowing he lacked the 17th booster that would have protected him from the dreaded 0.02% killer. Basically, he suicided by Covid."
Hillary Clinton expressed dismay at the loss of a 60th close associate by suicide. She put out a written statement saying, "I am saddened and shocked to learn that [
Hillary Clinton expressed dismay at the loss of a 60th close associate by suicide. She put out a written statement saying, "I am saddened and shocked to learn that [
Fill in Blank] committed suicide. I know [SelectHe or She] would have disavowed those nasty rumors about having incriminating information about me had [Select He or She] survived."
Dammit man, I despise Rush. Geddy Lee’s voice hurts my ears. (no offense Con)
What did P'nut the squirrel know about Hillary Clinton?
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Where Bill’s nuts were?
Of course. But how do we know the squirrel was a Republican?
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Apparently the owners of the squirrel who also own a pet sanctuary for injured animals are Trump supporters.
Totally makes sense then.
That person can swing on my treee
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What if dude and his wife have a big OnlyFans following?
(And it was a black/brown squirrel, not an evil red squirrel)
(And it was a black/brown squirrel, not an evil red squirrel)
You are giving witches a bad name
Do you think it's going to be tough to recruit folks willing to die for what we have going on now?
Sorry to hear that, Sarge. Back in the day England hired mercenaries to fight us. I hope we never get to that point. I'm old but I'd still fight for our traditional values and my family, assuming we still had a country worth fighting for.
However, I wouldn't put down my life for the values heralded by Biden/Harris/Walz/Fauci and their ilk while they all sip on iced mocha chinos and watch their stocks hinge on government influence/Intervention. **** em
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I don’t think it’s a matter of fighting for one set of values over another. In my case, I joined for college money but over my 24 year career it became a pride in service and pride in my nation type of thing. I didn’t love everything I did, but I love this nation enough to do the rotten things asked of me.
Young millennials and gen z just don’t value military service the way previous generations have. They watched thousands come home in body bags, in some cases their own parents, and they want no part of it. On top of that, they’ve been told that everything America is and everything America stands for is bad and evil. Who would want to serve a nation like that?
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That whole thing struck a deep nerve with me.
Then a starting thinking about a tyrannical government barging into your home and murdering two harmless tame pets. The extent of resources used to do that.
Just cruel,heartless and evil. I don't want a government like that.
I'm really glad Trump won,but some of these state governments are just deplorable.
America is not dead.
Even I living in a blue state, people here are still normal despite their voting affiliation.
The hope I had last year has been restored
Seeing soldiers in body bags definitely hits us younger folks.
You see it more than any of us. Keep up the good work. You guys are truly appreciated more than you realize. Both military and law enforcement.
Agreed on the younger folks being told bad about the country. I have two younger gen z brothers who went through 2016 when they were in high school. The kids at the time shamed many for taking pride in their country.
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This country's history is not pristine, certainly. In fact, I think we have been lied to in a lot of cases, especially more recently, say since the 1950's.
I have traveled world, living in some of the worst **** holes known to man, with people trying to kill me. I have traveled to some truly wonderful places, with wonderful people. I have friendships that endure still. And no matter how awesome or how horrible, there is no place in the world I want to be more than the United States of America.
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