Ted Cruz Provides Detailed Response To Moderator’s Question About Why His Face So ******* Infuriating
NEWS IN BRIEF
February 25, 2016
VOL 52 ISSUE 07
Politics · Politicians · Election 2016 · Ted Cruz
HOUSTON—Responding to moderator Wolf Blitzer’s question about why voters who look at him are overwhelmed with feelings of intense aggravation and disgust, presidential candidate Ted Cruz provided a comprehensive outline during Thursday night’s GOP debate laying out exactly why his face is so ******* infuriating. “Ever since I was a child, I have had a weaselly, piece-of-**** face that you can’t help but want to hit, and that’s never changed—how many other candidates on this stage can say that?” said Cruz, adding that oftentimes when he looks in the mirror, even he wants to drive a screwdriver through his eyes so he never has to see his stupid, boxy head and waggling, doughy chin ever again. “Let me be clear: When voters look at my ****-eating, smug-as-**** smirk, they can’t help but want to wipe it off by grabbing me by my waxy hair and smashing my face repeatedly into a tabletop. I believe that’s something every American can agree on.” At press time, Cruz’s explanation was cut off by Donald Trump loudly claiming that none of the other candidates’ faces could even come close to how leathery and enraging his is.